Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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