I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
