I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
