do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
