I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize