drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
