he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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