Say something about gay babies.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
