I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I will pee on everything he values.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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