And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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