I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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