CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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