my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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