just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
