I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
