That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
