i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
