You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ketchup is God's man juice
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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