Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
