Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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