Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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