...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Its about making memories worth repressing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
