halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
