...so i touched it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
