she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
