Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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