Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
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Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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