I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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