I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
