it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
