I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
