Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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