the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
