It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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