thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
