Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
