I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
