Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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