I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
