oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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