Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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