You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am naked and annoyed.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
