you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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