nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
