in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
