By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
