I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
