I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
