I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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