Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
