I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
