Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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