I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
