Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
