You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
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So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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