Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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