Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize