God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
