This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
