how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
