U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
