I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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