Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
