Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
