I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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