I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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