We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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