I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
