I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
