from now on my penis is your penis
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
