May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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