Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
