Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
