my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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