I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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