never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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