I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
