bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
only you would photoshop your dick
you will always have a special place in my vag
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
