R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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