my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
