idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
