I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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