no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
