just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
