Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
