I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
