i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize