hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
