So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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